cathartic reflections

So, I never post anymore because I don't really feel like all that much is going on in my life and the things that are going on like work I can't talk about or talk about the people I work with due to disclosure agreements. When you work in the social work field you have to leave what happens at work there because you're not supposed to talk about your clients (especially those in therapy with you). So I generally can't talk about that. But today I was reflecting on what we have been exploring this month with our seniors at the senior center groups. We've been discussing grief and loss. What a fun group, eh. But oddly enough it has been a great group with open discussion and really thoughtful insights about the subject. And although I can't discuss the group or the awesome people in the group I can discuss my thoughts and reflections on this subject.
I think the idea of grief and loss have always scared me to openly discuss because of the pain I have had in a couple of losses. And as we've talked about loss in the groups we're not just referring to the loss of a friend or loved one, but also the loss of health (which is pertinent to seniors) and also the loss of an ability or retirement can be a loss. So there are many different types of losses that we can have. I was also scared to talk about them because of the feelings that I thought I would open up and feel after exposing myself to these subjects and the fear of not being able to cover it back up...I think what I'm trying to say is that I was scared I would start to cry and not able to stop. That's a very scary idea for me.
So today we gave out a worksheet and asked people in the group to fill it out and then if they felt so inclined it was open to share their thoughts and feelings about this topic. And so I filled it out and thought it would be cathartic to share into this great abyss of the internet. And perhaps my thoughts and feeling are similar to someone out there...or they could be completely different...who knows...So here I go:
Identify three losses you have experienced during your lifetime.
1.My grandmother Helen Smith
2. My loss of health and abilities I once was able to do
(I could only think of two)

What have you learned about yourself through each of those losses?
-when my grandmother passed away I learned how much she actually meant to me and the role she played in the decisions I made due to her love and compassion. I also learned how caring for her when I was younger created the empathy I would later use in therapy with clients
-I never thought about my physical health until I lost it. I found that I had to find the strength to get up every morning and also the spiritual strength I didn't know was there until I had to turn to it.

How has your life changed since the loss?
-Missing my grandmother, not having her to turn to for help and love and emotional support.
-I haven't been able to be as active as I was had been and I also have to be extra careful with my body when I travel, when I do exercise, and when I don't feel well. I've had to learn how to take a break and sometimes say 'no.'

Identify people in your support system who have or can help you with the changes in your life.
-mother, father, immediate family, friends who I trust, a therapist at one point

What strengths have you discovered in yourself.
-strength from with in
-the ability to bounce back
-to be resilient amongst serious challenges
-spiritual strength I had not identified before

What feeling about the loss surprised you?
-guilt, anger (not necessarily surprising, but my grandmother was my first real loss in my lifetime so it was my first experience with those feelings).

What would you imagine might help you most with coping with the loss?
-Talking about it
-Writing about it
-Holding on to my spirituality that I discovered through it

So as you can see this is a very tough subject especially with seniors who are losing spouses and friends all the while just waiting and then losing abilities and losses with hearing and sight. I have a profound new respect for these seniors. I love every minute I get to spend with them. After talking about this subject in our groups I feel as if I have learned so much from them and I am supposed to be the teacher. I wish I could share some of their ideas I have written down but alas I cannot. But perhaps this could open someone up to talking with their grandparent or elderly neighbor and learning about them and recognizing their strengths.
Anyway, I heart my job and the people I get to serve!

Going to Italy!!

Yay! Yet another adventure for this girl!!! I was starting to get nervous because I haven't been out of the country in like 3 years!! Getting a little long for me! Geesh! So here I come Italy with an awesome girl Charlotte!! We did Italy and France together like four years ago, so I am super stoked to get out there again. But we are going in December and January! Not gonna lie, I've always wanted to do Italy during the off season and when it's gorgeous and maybe snowing and a little chilly and I get to wear my super cute boots and coats :) Yay! Can't wait for another European adventure!! Now if only I could find a flight! But don't worry we already have a cute little apartment to accommodate us during our stay in Florence. One third of the equation is done. Now we need to find a place to stay in Venice and get our flights. And Rosetta Stone Italian is my new best friend!! So excited, I just can't hide it!!!

JOB

For those of you out there who didn't know this. I got a job with Valley Mental Health in their Vital Aging Project. I LOVE it! I get to hang out at Senior Centers and chat with the seniors and then I get to facilitate with another social worker/therapist a group. Right now we are talking about memory loss. Apparently I already am starting to have normal age related memory loss...what! Anyway, I'm very happy with the job and am quite enjoying myself. Oh and I have a badge I get to wear...I feel so grown up :)

Birthday Weekend

Went to Aspen, had a blast. Went horseback riding. Went shopping and to Sushi. Went to church and ran into my friend Braidy's Aunt, Grand-ma, and Cousin. Had a cooked meal by Jourdan and got to blow out candles on a deliciously yummy cake. Took pics with Jourdan. Had a crazy night in Moab with flooding and then made my way back to Draper and the list of things that need to get done. The End.

My Adventures...and then some :)

It's been busy!
From April 19th until today it's been go-go-go.
The week of April 19th, my parents came into town, Ali came into town, my brother Jake came into town, and Jake Hartranft came into town. My brother Pete graduated that weekend and then he, his wife, Izzy Jake (my bro), and my dad all left for Arizona and now I am Family-less in Utah. BUT not really because I have Cam, Diego, and Vans (who loves me...thought I'd plug that in there Cam)! And Kelle and Larry who are my parents when my parents are away! I HEART them all.
So after everyone left me :( My mom and I had to move all my stuff from my apartment in West Jordan, to my town house in Draper. (Have I mentioned me and this townhouse have a LOVE affair going on. I'm not kidding. I HEART it except for the front door. That's another topic for another day).
So then the movers came Saturday April 30th with all my stuff from MN...so for those who thought I might be going back, no chance no how now. I'm in Utah for the long run and actually enjoying myself. (didn't know how I would feel being back here but as long as I stay away from crazy conservative people and Provo, I tend to do okay :) Just kidding about the Conservative people...sort of ;)
So the next week my mom and I were busy unloading boxes and cleaning and I went through everything and made a large GIVE AWAY pile. And then my Good Friend Jourdan (She's an old Florida Friend and when I say old I mean we have known eachother wayyyyy longer then not knowing eachother. It's going on like 20 years. We HEART eachother). Anywho, she was in Moab for a job thing (way too long of an explanation). So while my mom dog sat, I drove to Moab and spent the day with her. We did the delicate arch hike and saw the double arch. Those are my pics below. And I came back and went to Cam's Graduation and Kelle and Larry's round up that weekend with Nori and she absolutly had a ball!!! She was all barking at the cows and trying to get in to nip at them and chase them. She really is a Bouvier mom, she's a born herder. I was super sick that day. I picked up some flu that was going around Moab. I left early and went home and got in bed and didn't get out of it for three days (except to get myself Kneaders soup and to walk the dog). Then when I started to feel better Jourdan asked if I would come back to Moab. I went back to Moab and ended up staying a week! We came back to SLC Saturday night so I could grab dog food, clothes, and do some laundry and went back Sunday after church. And I finally got home last night at 8 ish and I'm not gonna lie it was nice to sleep in my bed. So thus are the recent adventures of me. And now for the pictures! (please excuse the lack of order with these pictures. They're just kind of jumbled about together in no apparent order)




Ali and Izzy hanging out. Izzy loves to have her picture taken. She is so adorable!






The cows at the Round Up











Jourdan brought the bracelet back from Estonia for me. It's hand beaded. I LOVE it!!









Nori loving being at the Round Up







Jourdan in front of the Double Arch







Moi at the Double Arch













Ali and the Park City Moose










Ali and I on top of the Conference Center in Salt Lake City, Utah







Jourdan under the Delicate Arch









Moi under the Delicate Arch












Ali and I in Park City










Strong WOMEN under the Delicate Arch










Strong Woman
W-O-M-A-N










Jourdan deciding the hike was a perfect time for a little rock climbing. No biggie...










On the hike up to the Delicate Arch











Jourdan at I at the Double Arch. It's back there...I just forgot to put it in my picture










The Delicate Arch









This is the Bathroom I helped Jourdan Seal
whoot whoot!! I am now a DIY person!!








This is the fireplace I helped to grout and seal (Jourdan grouted that side but I helped Grout the other side and I helped seal it.











This room looked like this
(oh, that's Brian. He was helping with the house too)








And the Room looked like this











Finished it looks like this.
(It will probably look even better when it's decorated).